Winter is a weird time, where my skin pales and dries up and where the hot water in the shower makes my arms and head itch but I have no nails to scratch, just the tips of my fingers rubbing and hurting. I dream of warmth coming not from an iron clad hole in the wall but out of windows and light streaming through. Last winter I once wrote something like "i'm dreaming of long walks and weddings and waking up next to somebody" and I don't know why but that dream seems silly to me now, because when you take a long walk somewhere you have to walk all the way back to where you started, and who really has the money to spend on weddings these days? (not to mention the nearly impossible idea of anyone loving you "forever") and when you wake up next to somebody they are generally a foot away from where you fell asleep next to each other. Now I've been dreaming of long phone calls in the dark and ferris wheels and the beach, oh how I miss the beach.

Winter is a weird time where nothing seems enough because you feel that warmth from the vents and instead of being comforted, you remember a better warmth and where everything felt right and nearly perfect for a suspended period of time.