I've been wondering lately if I feel too strongly about people that I like and dislike. Today I was talking to an old friend and we were talking about people that we like and dislike in a group of people, and I found that I am a bit picky when it comes to liking other girls. To the amazing girls that I have in my life right now, I am fiercely loyal. I adore Sarah and Michelle, and I know that I can count on them. I will hang out with Leah's group of girls/guys just to see her, while the other people in her group I am pretty indifferent towards. (I'm sure that it shows.) I have guy friends that I think the world of. I have a boyfriend that I really like and feel the need to express that often. But what if all I am feeling about them is too much?
I think that Sarah said it best when she described me in a blog entry a few weeks ago. She spoke of how I can appear to be a bitch but am really a huge sap at heart. And in a way that is very true. I fear that I feel so strongly about the people in my life, but I don't always feel comfortable with expressing that to them. But when I dislike someone.. dear god, it shows on my face. And I really shouldn't be so obvious, and I know I shouldn't be so quick to judge others. I really shouldn't hold a grudge so long, I really should learn how to let go. But like how I am with the people I care about, I have difficulty letting go.
I realize that all of this is a stupid long ramble, I really do. I think that all I'm trying to say is that I don't want to get hurt again. It's something that I think about daily, it's what keeps me guarded. So if I'm a bit of a bitch, I'm sorry. All you need to know is that when I say "It was nice seeing you" or "I'm really glad you're having a good time," I mean it.
It's really a strange thing, communicating with people. How can one be completely sure that people mean what they say or that even I mean what I say?
Please, say what you mean and mean what you say.
